Posts Tagged ‘funny’

Geoff Norcott’s: ‘Festival Blog 1 – GMTV and the landlord who sounds like a Meerkat’

Friday, August 7th, 2009 by admin
The Shocking Truth About Men & Women

The Shocking Truth About Men & Women

Edinburgh Festival Stand Up Comedy News

 

GEOFF NORCOTT
Title Of Show:
     ‘The Shocking Truth About Men & Women’
Venue:                  Pleasance Courtyard – Over The Road 3
Time:                    7.00pm
Dates:                   5th – 31st August (except 12th & 19th)     
Previews:
            5th – 7th August

So I am standing there in Edinburgh castle at 6am yesterday morning, surrounded by a belly dancer, some Japanese drummers and the Sowetto choir and i’m thinking the fringe has truly begun…

 

There were other points where I wondered if things had started. That terrifying but reassuring moment when they lower the harness down on the roller coaster; you’re still scared, but you know pulling out now would make you look like a dick.

I had it when I arrived at the airport, feeling a little bit vulnerable it has to be said.
I’d had this ongoing fear that the landlord of my flat would be this unscrupulous type but he couldn’t have been nicer.
He even came to meet me at the airport to give me the keys and had a voice a bit like the Meerkat on the adverts, which made me trust him.

I wondered if things had begun when I got to the flat and I had that inexplicable sense of immediate familiarity with a flat that actually looked better than the photos.
The only down side to the flat is a pub opposite outside which Leith’s finest stand smoking and continually saying, ‘I’ll tell you what big man,’ without ever getting around to telling them anything. Read the rest of this entry »

John Ryan – ‘The Flight Fobia’

Thursday, May 7th, 2009 by admin

Comedian John Ryan

I am gigging in Edinburgh and have to take a flight. This presents a bit of a problem. I just don’t like flying. Most people will say it is just the taking off and landing that is the problem. Nope, it is being in the air. It isn’t a fear of heights it is a fear of Flying. Even as a child when most kids would be excited about the thought of getting on a plane I would be petrified. It might be because I never got on one until I was twenty one. Whilst kids at school went off to Spain and Greece every year we only went to one place. We always went to Ireland on the Boat from Holyhead or Liverpool. My schoolmates thought it was because we were poor, but it was more sinister than that. We were sent back to Ireland to find a partner to breed with. It was every Irish parents dream that they would have little Irish grand children running around in Celtic football shirts. Like Salmon facing a perilous journey to the breeding grounds, we too had to have an arduous experience on the journey to make it worth while. The boat was the civilised way to travel. On the news there were never stories of ships sinking, only planes crashing and we feared flight! My dad used to wind us up by threatening us with the airport. He would then relent and say “ok you been good we’ll take the boat”. Read the rest of this entry »

Easter and the Kids – Rudi Lickwood

Monday, April 27th, 2009 by admin
The Kids and Easter - Rudi Lickwood

The Kids and Easter - Rudi Lickwood

Easter is over and the kids are back to school, how happy am I take a look at my fridge…it’s full. If anyone told me my 4 yr old daughter could eat an elephant I’d say you lie no way. I’m not sure what it is do children eat and the moment they eat something it get absorbed into there lymphatic system so fast that not even a formula 1 car engine can keep up or is their a hidden trap door at the bottom of their feet that leaves an invisible trail of digested food that dissolves into any surface they walk on I don’t know. What I do know is that in two weeks on food alone I spent a mortgage and that ain’t easy when you shop at Lidl’s.

This Easter we decided that we would not be buying any of our nieces and nephews any Easter eggs as Jesus Christ sacrifice on the cross and the Easter bunny couldn’t possible have any correlation with chocolate Easter eggs. So we bought them DVD’s instead. Well that was the idea you see Asda was meant to be doing a special offer of £1 DVD’s. Well by the time we got down to our local Asda you would have thought that Woolworths was closing down special priced DVDs did we see any NO! We have 17 nieces and nephews between me and my gorgeous wife I say gorgeous because she is standing next to me and the thought of no bed time fun is out of the question. What I’m trying to say is that we had to take out a bridging loan to cover to the cost of buying DVDs. So right about now Rudi Lickwood is broke back to school sometimes I wish my children could live there. It has been said that children are a bundle of joy no their not their bundle of bills wrapped up in memories that last forever.