John Ryan - Crackin' Up - Because the mind is important
I often sit with the Comic Voice manager Ian Franklin and throw the names of countries at him. It is my way of trying to get a holiday at the same time as working really. “What about Tonga, they must have a comedy club there?” I ask “or Mauritius?” He has become more used to me over the years I think. Where most other acts might want to get on to TV I am trying to get a gig in Iceland.. Well, I have never been and it sounds like a nice place and I just want to do different stuff really. He knows that I like a lot of variety in what I do. Just doing the comedy circuit would drive me nuts. Don’t get me wrong, it is great to perform in front of a room full of paying customers in a well run club. But I like a bit of a challenge. He asked if I would be interested in working on a Mental Health project.
“It would be about Depression and Suicide”. I looked at his face to see if he was being serious. There is comedy in tragedy I suppose but sometimes it is hard to find it. How can you make jokes about people wanting to take their own lives?
The people funding it hope that by involving some of their service users and creating a show, they can raise awareness of the problems faced by men who have experienced despair. This is a very difficult thing to do, as ‘madness’ is not generally the sort of thing you would talk to strangers about. Men are reluctant to admit to a problem, seek help and receive treatment. I wondered how hard it would be to get fellas to admit to any problems? The manager gave me some leaflets to read. I read some facts about it. ‘Suicide rates are on the increase amongst Young men and it is now the most common cause of death among men under 35’. The woman coordinating the project rang and told me “Around three-quarters of young male suicides never had contact with specialist services”. I gulped at the thought of trying to make that fact amusing. I wondered how a group would respond to me turning up. What would they be like, would they want to talk and if I am really honest would they be a load of lads rocking back and forward dribbling in straight jackets? I carried on reading the literature. For some reason men from Irish families are more likely to receive treatment than men from other European groups. That struck me as very odd. Being from an Irish family, this immediately grabbed my attention. I realised I had a lot of reading to do if I am to make this work. He said that the people running the project would want me to go along to a preliminary meeting and then maybe try some workshops. If it went well I would then have to write and perform a solo show about it all. I went along to a day centre to see how I could make it work. There was a group sitting around waiting for me. “Welcome to the funny farm we are the nutters how do you do?” A few of them laughed. I must have looked thrown, as one lad said, “Don’t worry we wont start eating light bulbs till you are gone!” I felt very uneasy. “Relax you will soon get used to the place” said the ringleader. And what a place it is. People are referred by the local health service as part of their rehabilitation. All of these lads had suffered a breakdown, a crisis or an episode and they were no different to any of my mates. Carl told me how he had been attacked on the way home from work. Someone cracked him over the head from behind and he remembers a knife being held against his throat. He said that he spent months having flashbacks. This made him unable to go out of the house and was part of his post-traumatic stress disorder. It led to him having depression and anxiety attacks. He lost his job and was now using the centre to get back into the ‘groove’ as he called it. I was mortified. “It means I can’t go to the shops, the wife does that,” he said before adding with a laugh “I can’t do the washing up or the hoovering either!” The kid that robbed him made off with more than just a mobile phone and twenty pounds. Carl lost everything. Peter told me that he had always been a depressive but had managed to control it by working and drinking. When his business collapsed the drinking took over. One night he decided to end it all and made a noose. He wanted to die listening to a particular piece of music playing, went off to get a CD and ended up in the pub. Meeting an old drinking pal prevented his suicide. The lads then decided to have a big conversation about music to kill yourself to. I got the feeling that they were putting a brave face on things but felt I should let them. Kevin started smoking cannabis aged twelve and then moved on to other drugs. By sixteen he was hearing voices and knew that only fire could make them go away. He began burning buildings and is currently serving a custodial sentence that allows him to visit the centre as part of his rehab. I was only meant to stay an hour but ended up there all afternoon. It was a world I knew nothing of. I sat on the train on the way home feeling very humble. These fellas are working on a daily basis to get back on their feet. I am meant to write an hours worth of material and felt that I had heard a lifetimes worth. The mind is a fragile thing, who knows what may happen to any of us. The manager called to ask how I got on. “If you don’t fancy it I can get you the gig in Iceland?” he said. I told him that Iceland could wait. The journey that we all need to take is the one that makes us question ourselves and our attitudes and it is one I shall be taking. The show will be called ‘Crackin Up’ and If nothing else it will make for an interesting experience.
Tags: comedians, Comic Voice Management, crackin' up, John Ryan, mental health
